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Nadirah Angai wrote a poignant Facebook post: the theme is that of being a mother and a woman, a choice that should always be an individual one.
Being a mother is not everything: one woman’s shocking Facebook post
Nadirah Angai is a young author.
But she is also a wife and mother . She lives in Missouri, United States. She often writes very emotional posts on Facebook, aimed specifically at women. In particular, in one such post she explains how women can feel when they are relegated to the role of mother.
And she talks about how tired she is of all this so-called “advice” coming from society.
Somewhere out there is a woman. She is 30 years old and has no children
People ask her, “You still don’t have children?”. The answer changes every day, but usually includes smiles and whispered words. “No, not yet,” she says trying to hide her frustration. “Don’t wait too long, pass the time,” says the “wise man” before leaving, happy to have shared his “great truth.”
The person leaves, while the woman stays with her smile. But when she is alone, she cries…
She cries because she got pregnant four times but suffered four miscarriages. She cries because she has wanted a child since their wedding night, but it has been five years. She cries because her husband has an ex-wife, who has already given him children. She also cries because she has even tried assisted fertilization, even though she can’t afford it.
She cries because the medications she has to take do not allow her to get pregnant. She cries because this problem has created disagreements in her marriage. She also cries because the doctors have assured her that nothing is wrong, but she is convinced that it is her fault. She cries because her husband also blames himself, which makes it hard to bear.
She cries because all her sisters have children. She cries because one of her sisters didn’t want to have any.
She cries because her best friend is pregnant. She cries because her mother keeps saying, “Honey, what are you waiting for?”. She cries because her in-laws want to become grandparents as soon as possible. She cries because her neighbor has twins, whom she treats badly. She cries because a girl of only 16 got pregnant without even wanting to. She cries because she is a wonderful aunt. She cries because she has already chosen names. She cries because that room in the house is empty. She cries because her husband would make a wonderful father. She also cries because she would make a good mother, but a mother she is not.
On the other hand, there is a 34-year-old woman with five children
They ask her, “Five? My God, I hope you’re done!”. Then they laugh. But why should such comments be considered funny? The woman smiles too, but only on the outside. She changes the subject and then cries alone …
She cries because she is expecting again and cannot express her joy. She cries because she has always wanted a large family, but cannot understand why people criticize it. She cries because she had no brothers and sisters and suffered from loneliness as a child. She cries because her grandmother has had twelve children and would love to have so many too. She cries because she can’t imagine life without her children, but people think they are some kind of punishment. She cries because she doesn’t need anyone’s pity.
She cries because she is considered irresponsible. She cries because she feels misunderstood. She cries because she and her husband can take care of their large family without any problems, but that doesn’t seem to matter. She cries because she is tired of the “funny” comments. She cries because she sometimes has doubts and wonders if she should have stopped. She cries because others are good at making judgments, but not good at helping. She cries because she is tired of being judged. She cries because people are rude. She cries because all she wants is to be able to live in peace.
Another woman is 40 years old and has a child
People ask her, “Just one? Didn’t you want more? “. “I’m happy with just one,” she replies calmly, a tried and true answer and quite convincing. No one would think that, once upon a time, they cry …
She cries because that pregnancy of hers was a miracle. She cries because her son would like to have a little brother or sister. She cries because she wanted at least three children. She cries because she had to terminate her second risky pregnancy. She cries because the doctors tell her that it would be a great danger to have another one. She cries because she is struggling to care for her only child. She cries because her husband doesn’t even want to think about the possibility of a second baby. She cries because her husband has died and she is no longer in love with anyone.
She cries because she is focused on her career and doesn’t know how to fix it. She cries because she thinks she is selfish. She cries because she hasn’t yet gained all the weight of her first pregnancy. She cries because postpartum depression has exhausted her. She cries because she can’t imagine what it would be like to go through it all again. She cries because she has some health problems that would get worse with another pregnancy. She cries because she will have to have a hysterectomy. She cries because she wants to have another baby, but she can’t.
These women are everywhere
They are our neighbors, our friends, our peers and our sisters or cousins. Our opinions are useless. The body is theirs and we should always respect it.