Picture this: a morning rush on a city train, a passenger cuts the line, and the irritation builds with every station. That moment, seemingly minor, sparks a wider question—have we forgotten the simple rule of waiting our turn? Recent surveys suggest that almost half of Americans feel public rudeness has risen since the pandemic, from loud phone conversations to blatant line-jumping. The unease is real, and it prompts a reconsideration of why etiquette still matters.
Enter Kirsty Sedgman a professor at the University of Bristol and author of On Being Unreasonable: Breaking the Rules and Making Things Better. Sedgman argues that manners are more than polite niceties; they are social safeguards that keep public spaces functional and safe. “They encourage us to think about others and to behave in ways that are not antisocial and potentially even dangerous,” she told Vox. In her view, the erosion of basic courtesies threatens the collective comfort of shared environments.
Academic insight: why manners matter today
Sedgman’s research highlights a paradox: as societies become more diverse and technology-driven, the need for clear, universally understood rules grows. She admits that she is not “Emily Post” and does not claim to have a perfect answer for every social dilemma. “I’m not saying that I know how to behave in every single circumstance and I’m always right,” she says, acknowledging the fluid nature of social behavior. Yet she insists that a baseline of respect—such as not cutting in line—remains essential.
From the Post legacy: modern etiquette for a digital age
Emily Post wrote the definitive etiquette guide in the 1920s, and a century later her lineage continues the conversation. Lizzie Post the great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post and co-president of the Emily Post Institute, says the core principle is audience awareness. “A lot of times, as long as I don’t get the sense that they would prefer a very formalized version of me, I try to reassure people: laugh, joke, swear, it’s okay,” she explains. For Post, the question isn’t whether rules exist, but how they adapt to contemporary contexts.
Phone etiquette as a litmus test
The surge of personal devices has created new gray zones. Sedgman and Post agree that speakerphone conversations, TikTok videos played aloud, or non-muted calls in confined spaces breach an unspoken contract of shared respect. “There are definitely rules of courtesy and blaring anything out of your phone … is all inappropriate when other people are a captive audience and haven’t asked to be,” Post notes. Both experts stress the importance of a “mindful moment” where individuals recognize their surroundings before pressing play.
Practical advice emerges from their discussion: if you’re on a short ride, a polite “Could you please use headphones?” can reset the atmosphere without escalating conflict. Yet both caution that confronting rude behavior can invite defensiveness. “You cannot control other people’s behavior,” Post admits, underscoring the delicate balance between speaking up and preserving peace.
Translating etiquette into everyday practice
Applying these principles doesn’t require a rulebook; it requires awareness. Sedgman suggests that people treat public spaces as temporary communities, where mutual consideration is the currency. Likewise, Post recommends keeping phones face down on dinner tables, setting them to silent, and responding to urgent texts within a reasonable window—but not at the expense of face-to-face interaction. When a conversation is time-sensitive, a brief apology and a quick explanation can maintain respect while honoring the digital need.
In sum, the conversation between a Bristol academic and an heir to the Post legacy illustrates that etiquette is not a relic but a living framework. Whether it’s a commuter’s line-cutting incident or a teenager’s speakerphone mishap, the underlying message is clear: good manners help us coexist safely and pleasantly, even in a world saturated by screens.
